This email is gonna be a little different. I've got a lot of stuff on my mind, and I need to write down. I'm undecided if im gonna do two emails again or not. Probably not, becuase not much happened this week. Struggled to find friends, did exchnages, passed off elect friends, got new elect friends, hot chocolate stand, work for other areas, powernaps, you get it by now.
I also accidentally gave away my copy of the Book of Mormon which I had been taking notes in. All the way up to Alma 45 (about halfway through), and the person hasn't gotten back to me yet. Oh well, he might need it.
We had to pass of Zhang, who is on date for baptism, to the Mandarin elders. He understands most English, but probably best to have someone who speaks clearer teach him, and not the Scottish bloke.
However, as we pass of one Chinese elect friend who is ready for baptism, we get another one! His name is Mason, and he loves people in our church. We are planning to put him on date for baptism tomorrow.
I've talked about this a million times before, but there's some new folk here, so I'm talking about it again. As missionaries, we live a life that focuses all of our efforts on Jesus Christ, and this is great. I've never felt closer to my saviour, but going from just kinda living God's commandments to being fully immersed in them sucks. It's like only being able to swim with inflatable thingys, then having them be taken off and thrown in the deep end. Or like fighting the Tree Sentinel in Elden Ring straight off the bat. It sucks, and it's been a struggle.
All of the media we are to consume is supposed to increase our faith in Jesus Christ, and help us feel the spirit. No matter how many times I tell my companion, he doesn't believe me when I tell him that Foo Fighters helps me feel the spirit. I mean, they are a very spiritually and Christ focused band, with members who keep and obey God's commandments. Wait a second...
I feel myself thinking in american units instead of British ones, and it doesn't help that I've still not met any European missionaires. I've met a South Korean missionary, a Mongolian missionary, and some Canadian missionaires (doesn't count) in the field, but no Europeans. I want to trash the Americans with them. I mean, living with three Utahns isn't stopping me from talking smack about them, but two Europeans are stronger than one. And I feel like with the power of our combined accents, and about how much Americans love an accent that's not theirs, we could baptise the entire state. Honestly, we could.
People keep telling me to go to BYU with them, and I tell them that I'll visit. But if I go to BYU, and if it's in any way similar to how I was treated at the MTC, i could establish a monarchy and rule BYU in maybe three weeks. Honestly, the amount of attention that people who were non American got was shocking. I loved it, and could bond with a Welsh guy that I met about it, because he was going through the same thing.
I had a trip down the Road to Damascus on Thursday. The zone leaders had an exchange with other missionaries (you basically swap companions for the day), so Elder Denton and I were together, since both of our companions are the Zone Leaders. I went into it thinking I could change his attitude about missionary work, and maybe address some of the stuff that he was doing which didnt present the best view of the church. I tried it, and very quickly realised that I was not Bob Rock, and could not transform him into the missionary the Lord needed him to be.
This was not for lack of trying though, some people just dont want to change. I realised at about 12pm that it wasn't working, and the more I got into his mindset and how he thinks about and views his mission, we got along more. I won't go into the specifics, but we butted heads for a while, but then I prayed, read a little Moroni 7 and my heart was softened. I was able to find a level that we could still do some form of missionary work while doing stuff that he wanted to do. And, to be fair, if it wasnt for our "arguments" and waiting around for each other to change our minds, we wouldn't've seen so many miracles.
I wrote that bit on the first day of our three-day exchange. This is day three that this bit is being written on. We had an exchange the first day, then the other elders went up to MLC (Missionary Leadership Council) the next day, then another exchange the next day. I learned a lot in these exchanges. I learned what not to do as a missionary, I learned that I can get along with people even when they're not motivated, I learned that I maybe need to do a better job of representing the Saviour, and I also learned that you can't make someone be who they don't want to be. You could say that we can't give them the dreams that weren't theirs anyway.
A companionship should act as one, in unity, but "a double minded [companionship] is unstable in all [their] ways" (James 1:8). Our companionship was when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, becuase I wouldn't take a vague answer from him to my questions, but he would never give a straight answer. It sucked, and we got into a lot of arguments. This, in turn, effected our missionary efforts when we fell out. However, I was able to make four friends for their area, and get numerous homeless people to come to church
When you serve a mission, you don't go by your first name. You go by Elder/Sister whatever your last name is. Something i like to ask missionaires is if they think about themselves as their first names, or as their Elder/Sister counterpart. Some people think of themselves as missionaires, some as their first names. I got this idea from a clip I saw from Batman Beyond, where there's a voice in Bruce Wayne's head that calls him "Bruce" but that's not who he refers to himself as when he's thinking to himself, becuase he's so far gone in the Batman persona that he thinks of himself as Batman.
On the topic of the World's Greatest Detective, I feel like Two Face, where sometimes I'm Michael, and sometimes I'm Elder Black. Most of the time, Michael and Elder Black both have a hand on the wheel, but there are sometimes when Michael has the keys to the car and Elder Black is stuffed in the boot (trunk). The good thing is that Michael still kinda wants to do missionary work kinda. It's an interesting thought experiment I like to share with people, and it's cool to see their responses.
Some missionaires have a good balance, some missionaires are like darth vader, where their previous life is killed off and they've fully embraced the mantle of missionary. I don't feel like I'll ever get to that point, because I'm scared of forgetting who i was and am. I don't want to lose my personality in missionary work, and I think having that balance of Michael and Elder Black working together in union works wonders. Michael is able to relate to people, have some fun, play fast and loose with some of the rules and be a good friend. Whereas Elder Black is able to teach people how to progress their relationship with God and provide spiritual support for the people we are teaching, and give spiritual support to Michael, becuase he needs it every now and then.
I'm very glad that I grew up around people who weren't members of the church, so that i have that ability to relate to them. I'm much better at it than people who live in the Utah bubble, where there's a church every block, and you drive past 5 or 6 temples on the motorway (Yes i know you guys call them freeways. I'm preserving my culture).
I've also made four Batman references, one Oasis quote, an MCU quote, and a reference to one of Metallica's producers. I'm on fire!
I've been around missionaries who are just unable to be people, just regular people, and can't relate to non members becuase everyone in their high school, neighbourhood, family and social circle(s) are members of the church. For me, it was me and my sister at high school who were members of the church. There was about 1,000-1,500 people at our high school. So when it talks about "[receiving] no witness [of God] until after the trial of your faith." (Ether 12:6) in the Book of Mormon, that's practically been my entire life, which is why I always thought of the church as secondary in life.
I never really thought of it as it needing to be the sole focus in my life, and letting myself have an "eye single to the glory of God" (D&C 4:5). This led to a lot of bad decisions being made on my part, all of which were great learning experiences, but I regret doing them. I still feel myself struggling with moving on from these mistakes that I've made, but I want to, and have a desire to change my life for the better, and move on from these mistakes.
Repentance is a beautiful thing. We truly are able to "becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord" (Mosiah 3:19)
I never really had a real desire to go to church until the first regional youth activity, where all the youth (14-18 year olds) in Scotland met up and had a day together, with a dance at the end. That really opened my eyes and made me realise that there were more people that were just like me. Don't get me wrong, I liked going to church. I liked seeing my friends, but i didn't have a desire to go to church for church. Through that social aspect of more people my age fueled my desire to go to church.
I'm very thankful for all of the friends that I've made through church, regional activities, FSY and Festinord. I don't think they've fully realised how much they all meant to me, my spiritual and my physical journey in the church. There were other youth in my ward back home, but most of them left, to the point where it wad only me and one other young man. My sister had no one. It was hard for all of us. And that's why the regional activities meant so much to me, because they actually made me want to go to church, and continue along the covenant path. This has gotten a lot deeper than I hought I meant to, but i needed to write this down.
I love all you guys back home so much, and I hope that you've not forgotten me when I get back, becuase I will never forget you guys. Everything that you've done to me and for me, the good, the great, the bad, the heartbreaking and the ugly, has shaped who I am today, and I wouldn't majorly change any of these events. Seriously, thank you all so much for everything. You might be thinking "even the time where I said/did that?" Yes, even that. Even that has shaped my journey, no matter how small, or good, or bad it was. No matter if it was a good thing or bad thing, it has contributed in some way, big or small, to my personality and how I view myself and others.
Alma 37:6
"Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me, but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass, and small means in many instances doth confound the wise."
God loves you! Keep going! You've got this!
Elder Black
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